living a counter-culture lifestyle

it's hard to do something unnatural. it's hard to go against what you've been taught all your life. and it's hard to try to explain something to someone who just doesn't get it. the hardest thing, though, is to just do it and have faith. I believe Jesus led a counter-culture life and calls us to do the same in one way or another.

maybe the fact that I've always been different (at least my outer appearance) has created a desire to differentiate myself as much as possible. with the exception of my adolescence, I've always had this desire to do things differently. but I haven't followed through. my fear is I've wasted years where I could have been living this out. from high school, I pursued a bachelor's degree from a university and later a career, and thus, setting me on the "fast track" to success and living the american dream. not exactly what I wanted. I don't want a house in the suburbs, to work a Mon-Fri 8-5 job, to take family ski vacations, take my kids to baseball practice, and to buy a minivan. don't get me wrong, I am not anti-family, (or anti-minivan). I just don't want to wonder what a life outside the box could be like.

I don't regret those experiences on the fast track -they've given me great memories and have stretched me in ways I didn't think I could be. so here I am at 26 thinking I've done it all wrong for the last 8 years. but no. God knew how to meet my needs for those 8 years, and he found it best to use them that way. now though, I want to jump the track and do something real... something that makes me feel alive. something that makes me uncomfortable. and something that accomplishes something grand.

for the last 9 years, I've been passionate about music. and I've been saying, man I want to do something with that. for the last 9 years, I've been searching for how to fulfill musical ambitions and still stay on the "fast track" because I subconciously made music a backup plan instead of a "real career". so I played at home, I played at church, I played at college, I played at peoples' houses, I played at coffee houses, did a few gigs with a few bands, and did some professional recording... all the while playing other peoples songs or worship songs. in all this, I was never fulfilled. in my heart, I knew what I needed but was too scared and lazy to make it a reality. now at 26, I have decided to pursue my own music realizing that to really do it, I have to jump off the fast track. this is why I am afraid to come to grips with it:
1) what if I don't do it? what if I just talk it up and then let it slip through my hands? wasted dreams.
2) how do I reconcile this with my family? how will my wife and son be supported? how will I handle not being with them a great deal of the time?
3) how will I explain it to my parents/in-laws who might not understand living on faith?
4) what if I don't succeed at it? what if no one likes the music?
5) what if I have no idea what I'm talking about and I was actually meant to be an accountant for the next 40 years?

but this is what I need to do: I need to write, I need to travel, I need to play, I need to meet new people, I need to live under faith, I need to get away from corporate ladders and 401k's.

I need to change my life so I can aid in changing the lives of others and fulfill what I was made to do. right now, there is nothing scarier to me.